It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
