the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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