she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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