I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
