I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
