Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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