just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
