I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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