when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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