I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
