Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this hospital has no fireball
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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