I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
