I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
