o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
