Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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