he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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