My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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