You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize