My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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