The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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