when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
