If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize