Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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