I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
