a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
