That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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