Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize