There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
