I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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