Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
