I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
