I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
