My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
