Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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