We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
