Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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