maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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