I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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