fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
