I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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