girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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