I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
