We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
