You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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