I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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