I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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