I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
