the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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