She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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