I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
