Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
