She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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