got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
