I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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