it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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