Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
