Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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