So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
