i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
