I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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