i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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