he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
