every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
