It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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