what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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