Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
