I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize