Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
try to milk me bitch
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